I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
