This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
