My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
