it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
