she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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