And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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