I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize