Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
