guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
