Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
