Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
