i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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