I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize