my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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