Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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