You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
