garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's like iHOP with fire
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
