Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
