Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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