You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Drunk is not a location!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
