'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
