So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
