Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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