I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
