i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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