I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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