Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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