so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize