why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize