I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
