I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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