I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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