all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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