To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
