Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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