I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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