two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
