How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
