I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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