I will die if light touches me.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
His nipple licking is glorious
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