White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
