I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
