My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize