Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just high enough for therapy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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