I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
