My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
