I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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