I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
