Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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