guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he was CRYING into my vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
