there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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