Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
