You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
