When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize