Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
