I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
