Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sarcasm needs its own font
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am one with the molecules
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
