Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
