Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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