New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
