I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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