Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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