i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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