she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
