so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
