So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
