stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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