Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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