I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
