3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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