Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
