Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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