I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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